I am the person that cares what people think. I always want to leave a good impression…I want people to like me. I guess that’s just the perfectionist side of me. I was always taught, put your best foot forward, always strive for excellence and never let anyone see you cry, even if you are breaking into a million pieces…be tough.
Several years ago, I watched what everyone perceived as excellence crumble. I couldn’t put my best foot forward, because I could barely muster the energy to get up everyday and put my feet on the floor. And that crying part, Lord, that went out the window. I ugly cried. Everywhere. To everyone. My perfect picture (or what was thought to be a perfect picture) was ripped into shred and thrown up into the air like confetti. Only this confetti wasn’t the colorful, celebratory stuff. It was the pieces of my life, tossed into the air and then piled in the floor at my feet like trash to be swept up and thrown in yesterday’s garbage. That’s how I felt about my life…it had turned to garbage. A calling I felt on my life before even being in a serious relationship…gone. A family broken.
When everyone around you has an opinion about your situation, you can choose to listen to their voices or the voice of God. For so long I allowed the devil to make me feel useless. No longer worthy. I told myself I was defined by the little pieces at my feet. I was trash. My life was now trash.
My friend, I decided to make a choice and listen to what God said about me. I chose to turn off the voices that didn’t encourage me. I deleted social media and poured my free time into studying His Word. I didn’t watch television for almost two years…I read the Bible. I needed to flood my soul with the positive…the colorful confetti. See, God’s Word is full of life and color…the opposite of how I was feeling at the time, but I seen the promises as I continued to pray and seek His face. The things He revealed to me, still to the day, I sometimes can’t wrap my mind around. He took my vision of perfection and said, “There is no such, my child.” That perfection was tossed out many years ago in the garden with Adam and Eve, but I was trying to still live in it, like that fruit was untouched. Silly me. Everyone around me that had opinions about my circumstances was in some way standing in their own trash, too, but in different ways. Theirs might not be public, but they were there. Praise the Lord for allowing me to see that. I didn’t need to be perfect, I just needed to remember the perfection of Christ and what He did at Calvary! Who cares what people thought about all these pieces at my feet…God seen them, too…and He would take those pieces and use them for His glory! I stopped caring what others thought about me, because one I couldn’t control them, and two, their opinions didn’t define me. Sometimes God sends you through something tough, so you can see His work in your life. He has a way of taking the tough girl, putting her in a tough spot and softening her spirit! I love that! If you are staring down at pieces of your life that feel like trash, remember God sees confetti…pieces of your life that will be used to celebrate God’s goodness!
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4